Monday, December 1, 2014

The Lost Art of Seduction

Today this would be done by an app.

Smart phones have changed the way we think, we act, we shop, we eat, and yes, even the way we have sex.   Today, an awful lot of people go online, via smart phone, looking for love - or at least sex.  If you want to "hook up" with someone, you view their profile, learn all about their likes and dislikes, and then try to arrange a meeting.   And everyone, it seems is doing it - heterosexuals (through an app called "tinder") and homosexuals (through "grinder").  These apps even tell you when someone nearby is "looking" for love.

Gee, what ever happened to good old cruising?   What ever happened to seduction?   These are lost arts!  Without a cell phone and the virtual reality of the online world, well, you will never get laid these days.

Back the olden days, if you wanted to "hook up" with someone, it was a much dicier proposition - and a lot more work.   For Gay men, it was "cruising" - seeing someone you thought you might like, and then trying to strike up a conversation with them.   You might exchange glances when you walk by them.   A few feet later, you stop and pretend to look into a store window - and see if they stopped as well.   If they did, maybe you'd walk back and ask them for a match or "change for a dime" or some other innocuous and ludicrous come-on line.   And before you'd know it, you'd be in bed with them.

For straight couples, the same was also largely true.   There were singles bars and other places people would go to meet (for older divorced people, the grocery store).   You didn't know in advance what their likes and dislikes were, or what their "stats" were.   There was some mystery involved.  And yea, you might end up going home with a loser now and then.

But today, I am not sure the online version of dating (and sex) is any better.   First, there is no mystery involved.   You know everything about your partner before you even meet them.   And since you know all this stuff, you've already electronically rejected a host of people who could have been a good match for you (dating someone who likes all the same things you like results in competition, not cooperation).

Instead, you spend all your time online rejecting people and looking for that "perfect match" who will be anything but.   You like to run marathons?   Great.  If your spouse does, too, instead of cheering you on from the sidelines, they will be competing with you in the race.

It is better, I think, to have a spouse whose skills and interests compliment yours and not compete with them.   Mark doesn't fix cars, and I largely stay out of the kitchen.   It works out pretty well that way, as we each fill a void in the others life.

To live with someone with all the same interests means only that you both have the same huge blind spots in life, and in the things you do in common, there is a sense of competition between you - a sure recipe for argument and divorce down the road.

Put away the cell phone and try actually talking to people.   It actually is a lot more fun than checking out "stats" and "selfies" on some sex or dating site.