Every year, some idiot kills his ex-wife or ex-girlfriend or even their kids, because "she won't take me back!" This is idiotic.
Every so often you read something online or in the paper and realize that there are a lot of people in the world not like us and in fact, so different as to be another species entirely. And of this group are the "pining for the ex to come back" kind of people, who are usually men. I fail to understand this mentality at all.
Over the decades, I have dated six women and three men. I ended up spending the last 36 years with the last person I met. The others? Nice folks, for the most part, but for one reason or another it was not meant to be and pining for something that clearly wasn't going to work was pointless. We dated, went "steady" and eventually broke up. Usually it was because we had different goals in life, or one of us had to move away and maintaining a long-distance relationship is difficult. But regardless of the reason, I never sat around whining about how "unfair" it was that "my ex left me" maybe because in my instances, our breakup was mutual, not one-sided.
Tim (not his real name) is a guy I grew up with who, I now realize, had some serious mental health issues. He smoked a lot of pot and dated this girl Samantha, who was sort of an Earth-Goddess Mother to him - mostly Mother, I am afraid. She had it all - a car, a job, and sex. So Tim loved hanging out with her, as he could always borrow her car, borrow some money, and get laid. Why Samantha went along with this for years, I do not know. Maybe she thought that once Tim graduated from college, he would settle down, get a job, and they could raise a family.
Sadly, Tim's mental health deteriorated over time. He became obsessed with left-wing politics (sort of a reverse-MAGA for his time) and had trouble getting and keeping a job. Samantha saw the writing on the wall and settled down with a nice man who had a small bakery and they made roly-poly babies together and lived happily ever after.
Tim lost his mind - or what was left of it - at this point. He would bore his friends for hours (between bong hits) about how "unfair" Samantha had been to him. She should take him back! Why is she dating some jerk who owns a bakery? Materialistic bitch! But she should take him back!
How odd. They tell you how awful their "ex" was and how much they hate their "ex." But why won't she take me back? Cognitive dissonance is strong with this one!
Rather that move on and find someone else - or use this as a moment for introspection and growth - Tim just derailed himself for half-a-decade with this self-pitying nonsense.
As the video above illustrates, this whole "break up" genre has been around a long time. In fact, there is a song named that. Teenage angst about "breaking up is hard to do" is bookended by "50 ways to leave your lover." Breaking up isn't some weird anomaly, but something that will happen to you several times in life, particularly when you are young. Get overit.
Ann Landers (or was it her sister?) once said, in response to a "broken heart" letter from a teenager, that dating exists to allow you to try out different people and see what works and what doesn't. Maybe lightning will strike and you will marry your "High School Sweetheart" but the odds favor you dating several people before you find someone you want to settle down with. And no, there is not a "perfect mate" for you, waiting in this world. You will have to settle for someone who, oddly enough, has ideas of their own.
Sadly, that last sentence is lost on the incel crowd, who, according to a recent survey, have more interest in buying a sex-bot than in having a real relationship with a real person. And they wonder why they are "involuntary" celibates! Who in their right mind self-identifies with such a group of losers?
But beyond incel stalkers, there are folks who, for some reason, entertain fantasies of getting together with their "ex". And indeed, sometimes it does happen - people break up and then realize they still have feelings for one another and get back together. But that is the exception, not the rule, and it is a better bet to just move on, particularly after you receive that restraining order.
I just don't get it. Someone says they don't want to be with you, move on. Figure out what went wrong and learn from it. Stop dating people who are not a good match for you. So many men want the "hot girlfriend" but don't think about more mundane relationship baggage. Looks are not everything, in fact, they are nothing really, as everyone loses their "looks" over time, and if you are really in love, well, your spouse is the most beautiful thing in the world, even as you age 40 years or more since you met.
It makes me sad when I read about folks who are unhappy because they pine for an "ex." But then again, they are bringing this unhappiness upon themselves. They are living in a prison cage of their own making - holding the key to their liberty in their hands, yet stubbornly refusing to use it. Hard to feel sorry for people like that.
