Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Dead Hooker Dropoff Zone




Nassau County, Long Island - County Officials today have designated an isolated stretch of beach here as a designated "Dead Hooker Dropoff Zone" in response to complaints by County residents that the number of expired prostitutes being discovered in the County is "Crazy".

"We had to do something," one County Official explained, "otherwise, this would just start to get out of hand.  We've found nine bodies so far - or at least parts of them, over a nine-mile stretch of beach in Nassau and neighboring Suffolk County.  It's quite a mess to clean up!  And expensive, too!"

In a rare showing of cooperation, Nassau and Suffolk Counties have vowed to work together to provide a single, readily accessible spot for the County's serial killers to readily dispose of their victim's bodies.

"By providing a centralized drop-off point, we save thousands of hours of Police manpower in recovering bodies from remote locations.  In addition, this convenient dropoff means that our Citizens can visit our bird sanctuaries in safety, without having to make a gristly discovery of a decomposed head, or having their dog retrieve a human femur".

Local residents were pleased with the proposed Dead Hooker Dropoff.

"It was just crazy," said Harry Winters, 65, who -- along with his wife Desiree -- brought up four children in a house on Long Island's West Gilgo Beach. "My wife was scared to come home. My daughter was frightened. It was just horrible!  But now, we won't be tripping over the dead bodies of deceased hookers all the time."

When asked if serial killers would feel comfortable disposing of their victims in a County-sanctioned site, a local Police Chief replied, "Well, everyone knows that the odds of being prosecuted for killing a hooker are pretty slim.  Hey, this is New York, here!  Hundreds of hookers go missing every year, and no one cares, right?"

If the Dead Hooker Dropoff project is successful, the County plans other, similar projects to meet other illicit body disposal needs.  A local sanitation chief noted that hundreds of man-hours are lost every year, combing through the local landfill for bodies disposed of in dumpsters by Mafia hit-men.  "If we could provide a centralized Snitch Disposal Site like the Dead Hooker Dropoff, we could divert these corpses to a single location, where they are much easier to find!"

A local Mayor noted that the project will go a long way to restoring the community's reputation with tourists and visitors alike.  "People can come here to visit and enjoy the beach without having to worry about their children finding a severed foot in the sand".

"Plus," he noted, "it really puts our bedbug problem into perspective."


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Too Soon?

1 comment:

  1. Perhaps an explanation of the context of this piece is in order.

    The text of the above blog entry was taken almost word-for-word in parts, from a newspaper article about the number of dead hookers washing ashore in Long Island.

    What was appalling to me about the article was that people seemed more annoyed than anything, as if these hookers had the gall to up and die on their beaches without considering the needs of the residents!

    Somehow, lost in all of this, was the idea that these were human beings, and that crimes were being committed, and that the Police were more interested in sanitizing the image of the country than really solving crimes or preventing hookers from being killed.

    It was sort of like, "Hey, take your dead hookers somewhere else!" instead of "stop killing people who are hookers!"

    ReplyDelete

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