Pretty slick system, no? And we've been using it for centuries. You may recall how we snookered the Indians out of the Island of Manhattan, for a few dollars worth of shiny beads and trinkets. Heck, they never saw a mirror before in their lives. They thought it was magic! The same way people today feel about their smart phones. They just can't stop staring at them.
So that is how we keep the poor downtrodden and, well, poor. And you know this as you've driven through "the bad part of town" and seen our check-cashing stores (run though an offshore front corporation of course!) and our payday loan shops and our rent-to-own furniture and bling-rim stores. And you've wondered why poor people would snap up such shoddy deals, right?
But the joke is, that you, Mr.-and-Mrs. Middle-Class, are exploited in the same way. We just sell you nicer overpriced shit. You are the buyers of the mini-mansions and "luxury" cars that are just re-skinned econoboxes. You buy the de-luxe cell phone plans and have "all the channels" on cable. You go after "bundling" and "discounts" and your wife shops when the store has a "sale". You've swallowed the bait, hook, line and sinker.
Oh, and you're the ones we've enslaved with credit card debt. You got that "rewards" card we dangled out in front of you - and you bought into the idea that it was an indicia of your success! Of course, you ran it up to the limit - and we kept raising the limit. And just when it seemed like you could never pay it off, we helpfully offered to refinance your mini-mansion to pay off the debt. Oh, we win twice here, don't we? Got you to pay all that interest and then sucked what little equity you had out of your house. Sweet deal, too, as if it all goes horribly wrong, the government bails us out. And by "us" I don't mean you.
And when you try to get ahead, well, we've got you there, too. You decide to invest. OK. We've got all the media tied up with bad investment advice. You listen to the shouting guy, right? And the dudes in the clown suits, of course. Oh, I bet you bought a lot of gold a few years back, and some of that tasty IPO stock. The investment fraud thing is beautiful. We can sell you completely fraudulent investment vehicles, so long as we label them as "junk" in the prospectus. But hey, who reads the prospectus? Certainly not the shouting guy!
Now you're going to love this next part, as it is so precious. How do we get away with all this shit? I mean, in a Democracy, people would run you out of town, right? That is the beauty of it. We convinced you to vote for candidates based on things like "social issues", "moral values", "character", and "who you'd like to have a beer with". Let's face it, when it comes to elections, you folks are morons who can be lead around by the nose. And it doesn't matter whether you vote Democratic or Republican, we've got all the bases covered, for the most part.
We don't have to go around assassinating people to get the government to do what we want. That is so messy and retrograde. It is just a lot easier to pay people - even when they don't know who is paying them. But conspiracy theories, well, we let those fester, as it is another way we entrap you into a feeling of helplessness and passivity.
In other words, we come at you from all the angles.
Pretty sweet system, eh?
So, you still want to know how to join the club? Well, encoded in the message above is the answer. Of course, you will need to use your secret Illuminati decoder ring to figure it out.
But once you have decoded the message, you have the secret insider's key into accumulating wealth. And if you follow this secret message, eventually you will end up owning money like the real Illuminati, instead of owing money like the schmucks and the plebes.
The message is there for anyone to read. Few choose to do so.