They also communicate in a creepy two-letter code in all of their postings. If you don't know what the code means, you're out of the loop!
ACoN = Adult Child of Narcissist(s)This sort of adds to the cache and appeal of these sorts of "insider" groups. What these folks really need, is passive-aggressive anonymous! Frankly, these "code words" sound like a lot of Scientology crap. Bullshit made-up para-psychology for amateur analysts.
DAE = Does/Did Anyone Else
DoNF = Daughter of Narcissistic Father
Edad/Emom = enabler dad/enabler mom
FLEAS (not an actual acronym) - what are FLEAS?
FOC = Family of Choice
FOO = Family of Origin
GC = Golden Child
LC = Low Contact
FM = Flying Monkey
JADE = Justify, Argue, Defend and/or Explain
N or Narc= Narcissist/Narcissistic
NC = No Contact
NMiL = Narcissistic Mother-In-Law
SC = Structured Contact
SG = Scapegoat
SoNM = Son of Narcissistic Mother
For example, my late Sister once sent back a Christmas Card with the notation on the envelope that "This home only accepts hand-addressed Christmas Cards!" Another time, she sent back a Christmas present with a list of what she felt were "appropriate" Christmas gifts. Does that make her a Narcissist? Or just an asshole? Or just a frail human being with a whole host of problems of her own, including an alcoholic husband, delinquent runaway children, and a terminal illness? I tend to think the latter.
The "Narcissist" label is so generic and so broad that anyone you don't like can be labeled with it. In a way, it is a coward's way out of life. The "victim" posits that their "abuser" is a "narcissist" and that's the end of the story. Flinging the "N-word" (the new one) at people is a passive-aggressive move - foisting one's problems off onto someone else (which ironically, these "children of narcissists" claim their narcissist parents do!).
Oh, key words: "right mind" - yup.
Irrational Idea #3 is damning. This as the idea that when people act obnoxiously and unfairly, you should blame and damn them, and see them as bad, wicked, or rotten individuals.Funny, but when I read these "Narcissist Parent" websites, it is all about blaming and damning. The poster will put up a story about some outrageous thing Narcissistic Mom or Dad did, and everyone chimes in with the shaming and the damning. What is the point? Does this make them all feel better? That they are somehow "better" than their parents?
If you've read my blog, you know that my parents are anything but perfect. But I forgave them. I felt sorry for the sad lives they lead. Rather than be a perpetual child, however, I moved on with my own life and lived it the way I wanted to, not through the lens of my childhood. Of course, it is hard to do this - and easy to wallow in self-pity and blame all your "problems" on Mom and Dad.
But that is an anathema to the "Children of Narcisists" who continue to interact with their "horrible" parents day after day, and then rush home to post the injustice of it all on Reddit or some blogsite. IS this really constructive? Do they really want to solve their problems, or just wallow in them, like the friend with the perpetual problem?
Of course, the problem with these Narcissist groups is that if you criticize this sort of thinking, then they just slap the label of "Narcissist" on you. touche. It is akin to the Fibromyalgia people. If you even question the "science" of this nonsense, they call you a "heartless bastard!!!" and threaten to kill you (no, really, they do). Fun people.
If you feel you were "raised by Narcissists" or that your parents were Narcissists or you are on some Narcissist website, damning everyone else in your life for being imperfect, may I suggest that perhaps the apple didn't fall far from the tree. Narcissus of Greek mythology, loved to look in the mirror. And I suggest, if you are throwing out the "Narcissism" word, it is mirroring back to you.
Calling someone a narcissist and blaming them for all your troubles in life is, well, the ultimate act of narcissism!
*What do I mean by "your own family"? You and your spouse and your children (if any) is your family. Not a "Family of Choice" or some other three-letter code that "children of narcissists" use. When you become an adult, you start your own family. My parents did. Their parents did. Their parents' parents did. For some reason, our generation - and subsequent generations, cannot let go of their childhood family and view it as their "real family" and any family they form in life as some sort of artificial construct. That is some pretty sick thinking, my friend!