Saturday, January 28, 2017
Donald Trumps announces a New Reality!
Trump Tower, New York - Today President-elect Donald Trump announced a new reality. American's previous version of reality based on "facts and stuff" is now obsolete. Our new reality will be based entirely on wishful thinking.
To further this effort, he has picked a new National Security Advisor who is a fan of conspiracy theories - no doubt he will find out if fire really can melt steel - and unmask the real perpetrators of 9/11. He was suggested to Trump by his son, who believes that pizza shops are havens for pedophiles (better eat all the pizza you want soon! Pizza shops will be outlawed!).
At the EPA, he has chosen a leader who believes global warming is a hoax and that "clean coal technology" is actually a thing.
For the head of Housing and Urban Development, he chose a man who doesn't believe that the government should be involved in.... housing and urban development.
It remains to be seen who will be picked to run other Federal Agencies. Rumor has it the new head of NASA believes the moon landings were faked and promises to launch an investigation into that fraud - as well as finally introduce America to the aliens being held in Area 51.
Rumor also has it that Trump will pick a Surgeon General who thinks vaccines cause autism, homeopathic remedies from the 1700's actually work, and that "nutritional supplements" should not be regulated in any way.
The new head of the National Science Foundation will make sure that creationism replaces evolution in the Nation's textbooks. And funding for the Smithsonian will be held up until displays of dinosaurs and cavemen are combined, as they rightfully should be.
Now, it may take some time for Americans to get used to this new reality - after all, these messy "facts" we have learned in school often get in the way of real learning. But once you start going down the rabbit-hole, the ride isn't so bad. Heavy drinking and/or drugs help. If you are already somewhat delusional, it is a good start.
Welcome to the new America! We'll make it great again, merely by pretending it to be.