The following is a reconstruction, from memory, of a "Memo War" that occurred at a law firm I worked at, over 20 years ago. The names have been changed to protect the guilty parties:
M E M O R A N D U M
Dewey, Screwem, & Howe, Attorneys at Law
To: ALL STAFF From: Arnold Dewey, Senior Partner
RE: Microwave
Popcorn Date: April 15, 1995
_________________________________________
All Staff persons should be aware that eating snacks at your
desk is not permitted. In
particular, microwave popcorn should not be consumed in your work space.
The staff break room is provided for this purpose, during your
standard break periods, as well as during the lunch hour. See, e.g., HR Staff Memo of July 21, 1993
for further information.
This issue has come to a head, as I was giving a prospective
Japanese client a tour of our offices, and one of our secretarial staff was
eating a bag of microwave popcorn at her desk.
Unfortunately, the smell from microwave popcorn tends to permeate the
office and my client was asking me if the circus had come to town, and
moreover, could he have some popcorn, which the secretary refused to share.
To maintain an environment of professionalism, snack foods,
in particular, microwave popcorn should NOT be consumed at your desk during
working hours or at any other time. In
addition to the odors involved, the detritus of such endeavors may attract
insects and other vermin, when disposed in office garbage cans. Again, please use the provided break room
for such activities.
--A. Dewey
M E M O R A N D U M
Dewey, Screwem, & Howe, Attorneys at Law
To: ALL STAFF From: Sarah Conners, Paralegal
RE: RE:
Microwave Popcorn Date: April 17, 1995
_________________________________________
Concerning the memo of the 15th
last, with regard to the above-captioned matter, I draw your attention to the
Human Resources Manual for the Law Firm of Dewey, Screwem, & Howe,
Attorneys at Law, Page 112, Section II, subsection (b) which states, to wit:
“Staff is required
to use the break room for luncheon and breakfast and other meals as necessary,
but is allowed to consume occasional snack materials at their desk or in
their office, as required.” (emphasis added).
Attention is drawn to the fact that microwave popcorn is
clearly a snack food, and as such, under the rules established by the HR
department, is clearly allowed to be consumed in one’s work area, desk, or
office, whenever deemed necessary by the employee.
Thus, with regard to the
aforementioned Memorandum of the 15th last, there is no requirement
on the part of staff from refraining
from the consumption of microwave popcorn at an individual’s desk, office or
work area, notwithstanding the representations of the Partnership.
--S. Conners.
M E M O R A N D U M
Dewey, Screwem, & Howe, Attorneys at Law
To: ALL STAFF From: Arnold Dewey, Senior Partner
RE: RE: RE:
Microwave Popcorn Date: April 19, 1995
_________________________________________
Am in receipt of your memorandum
dated April 17, 1995. While the
partnership recognizes that the Human Resources Manual allows for consumption
of the occasional snack at an individual's work space, office, or desk,
microwave popcorn does not fall under the category of “snack” on the following
grounds:
- Microwave popcorn requires heating a microwave, a cooking process that defines it as a meal, and thus not a snack, and as such should therefore be consumed in the break room at not at an individual’s desk, work space, office, or other areas in the office environment.
- Microwave popcorn can contain up to 500 calories in one bag, which represents a substantial portion of a 2000 calorie daily intake, thus rendering it a “meal” and not a snack, and as such should be consumed within the confines of the break room, and not an individual’s desk, office, or work space.
The Partnership would like to be
flexible in this matter, however, if we allow cooked items to be consumed
within a person’s work space, this could lead to an escalation of other cooked
items, up to and including a Thanksgiving turkey, being consumed within the
work area, if the definition of “snack” is given no further boundaries.
As a reminder, Office Staff is
encouraged to use the break room for consumption of meals, using the cooking
appliances provided in the break room.
Outside cooking devices brought from home, including but not limited to,
crock pots, toaster ovens, coffee makers, rice makers, and the like, are not permitted
in the break room area and not in an employee's work space. A microwave is
provided for staff use, along with a coffee maker. These are the sole items to be used by staff during, before, or
after working hours.
Thank you for cooperation in this
matter.
--A. Dewey
M E M O R A N D U M
Dewey, Screwem, & Howe, Attorneys at Law
To: ALL STAFF From: Sarah Conners, Paralegal
RE: RE:RE: RE:
Microwave Popcorn Date: April 21, 1995
_________________________________________
In receipt of your Memorandum
dated the 19th of this month and will take under advisement.
However, in the absence of any
modification of the Human Resources Manual to define “snack” in a more
definitive manner, we contend that microwave popcorn remains defined, by default,
as a snack, and until such time the HRM is revised, staff is instructed that they
may continue to consume this product in their work space.
--S. Conners.
M E M O R A N D U M
Dewey, Screwem, & Howe, Attorneys at Law
To: ALL STAFF From: Joan Rivers, Human Resources
RE: Staffing
Changes Date: April 23, 1995
__________________________________________
Until further notice, Mr. Arnold Dewey will be taking a sabbatical
for much needed rest and relaxation.
Sarah Conners, Paralegal, has announced she will be leaving
the firm as of this Friday, to spend more time with her family. A going away party is scheduled for Friday
at 1:00 in the break room. Ms. Conners
requests no microwave popcorn.
--J. Rivers
* * *
Believe it or not, this actually happened, although I *might* have embellished it a wee bit.
If you work for an organization, and such a "Memo War" breaks out, be sure to update your resume, as you will need it shortly. When people stop talking to each other and resort to written communications to communicate with someone in the same office as they are, things are not going to go well. And this includes e-mails as well.
What memo wars and e-mail wars tell us, is that a breakdown in face-to-face communications is happening. And by posting public memos (or e-mails cc'd to everyone in the office) you are taking small, private matters, and making them public, in an attempt to court public opinion to "your side" of an issue.
It's just a horribly bad way to go about effecting change, and it always ends up in disaster. Managers who try to manage by memo rarely win, but are instead viewed as ineffective. Subordinates who try to respond to this gambit, usually end up being shown the door, as was the case here.
If you see a "Memo War" breaking out (although today it would more likely be an e-mail war) just head for the door - you are working in a dysfunctional office.
