I read in the news on Monday after the Oscars that there was some sort of incident involving a forgettable Scientologist actor and a comedian whose sell-by date was in the 1990's. The first thing that came to my mind was that this was a staged event. It was too convenient and too slick. How can someone rush the stage and hit someone without security stepping in? They planned this. And no doubt, practiced it, so Chris Rock could do one of those stuntman moves and turn his head just as the slap occurs.
I have noted time and time again that "they" want "us" to obsess about celebrities, so we ignore what is going on in our own lives. And I am sure, on Monday morning at the water cooler (or the online equivalent - Slack?) people were a-twitter with chat about this - "Did you see the Oscars last night?" Of course, no one did - ratings for this boring and over-rated ceremony are in the toilet. But maybe next year, people will want to watch to see who gets punched this time!
And I knew there would be a plethora of "memes" and deepfake videos and whatnot, as well as political cartoons showing Biden slapping Trump or Putin slapping Zelensky or whatever. Who the fuck cares?
Fortunately, it has started to die down - the news cycle and all - but the "Academy" is keeping the story going by "investigating" The Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Prior to that, we had tearful apologies and tearful acceptances by all involved, in a vain effort to keep the story alive through yet another "news cycle." It was pretty obvious what they were doing. Who knows? Maybe next week they will "reveal" the whole thing was staged, just to keep the story alive. There is no such thing as bad publicity.
UPDATE: To keep the story alive through another "news cycle" now Mr. Prince is saying he will resign from the Academy. This is like what, six extensions on the news cycle now? The secret is, to release these tidbits one at a time. The latest rumor I heard was that it was definitely fake, as they hired a professional actor to slap Chis Rock. That's a joke.
That reminds me of another joke, "Everything I've ever heard about Lady Gaga [or fill in the name of another worthless celebrity] has been against my will!" - it illustrates how we are forced to hear about this nonsense whether we want to or not - unless we want to live in a hermit cabin. Say, that sounds pretty appealing right about now!
But the point isn't who-slapped-who or whether Mrs. Bel-Air is going bald or sleeping around - that is just the tidbits they feed the plebes to keep them from thinking about their staggering credit card debt or the fact that they really can't afford to spend $5 a day on coffee. They want to anesthetize you - to distract you from what is really going on - in your own life, as well as in the world. They want you to live your life through them - the celebrities, the billionaires, the politicians - America's royalty.
Meanwhile, while you are idolizing Cher, they can pick your wallet clean. Not only will you not notice the theft, you will open your wallet and say, "please - take all my money! I don't need it that badly!" You think I am joking about this, but people actually do this - every single day. The 1%'ers didn't "take all our money away" we gave it to them, willingly, with our blubbering thanks, so we could go into debt to have the latest piece of bling.
I noted before how this works and how it seems to be part of our nature. We always want to elevate one of our own above us. Even in Communist countries (especially in Communist countries) where everyone is "equal" and a "comrade" there ends up being a charismatic leader and a cult of personality. They worshiped Stalin and Mao and Pol Pot and all the Kims of North Korea - often because they had to, sometimes because of propaganda, but many times because they wanted to.
We scratch our heads as to why some people in Russia still believe in Putin. But it isn't hard to figure out. To them, Russia is Putin and vice-versa. If someone attacks Putin, they are attacking Russia - their country - and they feel personally attacked. It is no different than the Trumpheads we have in America, who blindly follow Donald Trump without questioning anything. It is the "home team" they are rooting for, and the analogy isn't a stretch of the imagination.
Sports stars and sports teams can be another distractor in our lives. People who obsess about a team or an athlete and paint themselves or their car or house in team colors are just trying to drown out the deafening silence in their lives with loud distracting noises. Overseas, this sort of fandom often becomes deadly - soccer (football) "hooligans" will beat each other with steel pipes and sometimes actually kill one another, over team loyalties. It gets so crazy that actually watching the game becomes secondary to the violence. In America, we have a similar thing - but it is called "tailgating" where people try to out-do one another with their parking lot celebrations and barbecues. And yes, some people get so caught up in "tailgating" they forget to go to the game. Weird.
Or not weird. It becomes a community event, a chance to be together with friends and acquaintances and the actual team and team loyalty and the sporting event are just an excuse to socialize. It is no different that this slapping incident - it gives you something to talk about around the water-cooler, instead of the usual awkward chat. It becomes part of the bonding ritual - our tribalism.
We have the same thing with our little pottery guild and arts association here on the island. I have had to bar-tend at two events this week and there is a third one coming up on Sunday. Over 80 people attended each event. Everyone is over-dosing on cheap white wine. There are a core group of artists in these guilds who produce great art. There are some who do a little here and there (or used to) and still others who merely attend the social events. The social events tend to become more prominent than the art itself. It is tailgating for the Volvo set.
But I digress.
I guess the main thing to realize is when we are being manipulated like this. Getting your name or your product name in the paper "raises awareness" of that product (and as a celebrity, that's all you are - a product). It is like Duff-Man on the Simpsons, "Raising awareness of the Duff brand!" as if beer needed promotion.
And no doubt, someone will click on this biopic that Fresh Prince starred in, as a result of the slappy incident. And maybe someone will click on an old Chris Rock standup show on Netflix. Maybe he'll come back to SNL as a guest host again. Maybe people will actually watch the Academy Awards show next year - although that is pretty far off. No doubt they will prime the media pump weeks in advance with titillation and speculation as to who will slap who.
The ratings of the Academy Awards are in the tank. The movie business has been hit with the one-two punch of online streaming and the pandemic. Today's "celebrities" are no longer movie stars, but people who are celebrities for being celebrities (e.g., Kardashians, et al). Something had to be done - to save Hollywood, the Oscars, and the careers of a fading television/movie star/scientologist and a has-been comedian who has been reduced to.... hosting the Oscars.
But like with the Olympics, you'll have to excuse me if I just don't give a shit about any of it. It is just boring and product placement, even if the products are actual people. It is just an attempt to capture attention in a crowded media landscape, just as a temper-tantrum child throws down a fit in the supermarket to get attention from Mom.
There is an upside to all of this, though. The best deals in life, I have found, are the quiet ones. The stuff that isn't hyped and heavily promoted is often the best bargains in life and leads, if not to happiness, then contentment. If you can turn away from the carnival circus that is the media - and the music industry, the movie industry, the sports industry, the gaming industry, etc, etc, etc. you can concentrate on living your own life and not merely being a spectator of someone else's.
This isn't to say that you should never watch a movie, play or watch a sport, go to a show, play a video game, or whatever, only that when fandom becomes the central part of your life, maybe - just maybe - you are missing out on another, better part of life. That's all I'm saying.
It is funny, but I have friends who can recite baseball stats from memory, or know the sequence of tracks on every album Madonna every cut, or know the most intricate details of the latest reality show, or who is in contention for the dancing chefs makeover contest. But they haven't a clue as to the balance in their checking account, their IRA, or their credit cards. And they haven't a clue as to how they are going to retire someday - when they get booted from their job. It just seems to me that even a small portion of the energy devoted to celebrity-worship, directed toward your own life, could reap huge rewards. That is, by the way, how celebrities and superstars become celebrities and superstars - not by watching television all day long, but by being on it. You can watch as hard as you can, and it won't make one iota of difference in your life, other than to make you more miserable.
And I say this with authority as someone who has squandered countless hours in front of the TeeVee or following musicians or celebrities or sports teams. It was all wasted time and in retrospect, was a way of anesthetizing myself from reality and not dealing with depression. Sadly, television and celebrity worship tends to bootstrap depression. So to alleviate depression, you turn on the TeeVee. It is a vicious, addictive cycle. People say Facebook is addictive - I say it is the television of the Internet. It is the same addictive cycle and the only reason people are pissed off about Facebook, is that it (and other Internet outlets) are taking away from "traditional" media addictions. But I digress - or did I?
And as you get older, you realize this. So much of what seemed critically important when I was 25 or 35 or even 45 seems today to be superficial, puerile, and stupid. As life winds down, you realize that having fancy things is nice and all, but contentment and security are really far more important, if not as sexy. Sure, a fast car or boat or motorcycle is "fun" - for about 10 minutes. Not having a car loan, a boat loan, a motorcycle loan - and the accompanying payments, seems more desirable.
They want us to be distracted - to distract ourselves - because that is how they make money. If you convince yourself that this clearly staged event is important and that the parties involved are somehow important (and that the movie industry and the Academy Awards are important) it is a lot easier to get you to open your wallet to pay to see a crappy movie or show on television. They want you - they need you. The last thing they want is for you to turn away and ignore them.
I choose to ignore them, as much as I can. It isn't easy to do, either, as this shit is flung at you as if it came from a firehose.
Fuck 'em!
UPDATE: Since I wrote this (several days before publishing it) my prediction has come true - they have kept this story "alive" in the press with little tidbits being handed out every news cycle. Tearful apologies, new revelations, police investigations, more apologies, forgiveness, investigation by the Academy, resigning from the Academy, other famous people weighing in, Netflix talking about "cancelling" a movie, and so on and so forth - this thing could go on for months, I tell ya! And all by careful design.
