Living on Old People Island, we see how the end game plays out. It is fascinating, in part, and we hope to learn from our elders and perhaps not make the same mistakes. Perhaps we are destined to - it is part of our human nature.
For example, one "mistake" we see people making is staying in large homes with lots of finicky maintenance items, hanging on to multiple vehicles, and aging to the point where they can't take care of it all. The house falls down around them, and they are found living in their own filth. When you get to be very old, you want a simple, small house that is easy to maintain. You don't want acres of lawn to mow or multiple rooms to clean, unless you can afford to hire people to do all this - and that gets expensive. It also is just easier to live in a smaller space.
And get something on one level with wide doors. My Dad, when he remarried, was thinking of moving to a senior housing place, with everything on one level and a monitoring system in place if there was a medical emergency. Instead, they decided to buy a split-level home with stairs going everywhere. You want a glass of milk? Stairs. You want to go to the bathroom? Stairs. You want to go to the store? Stairs.
And sure enough, a month later, he had a quadruple-bypass operation and could not climb stairs. He slept in a cot in the garage. Oh, well. Live and learn. Die and learn!
But getting back to topic, it seems that like old cats, old people sort of retreat from society when they get close to death, as if it was a private matter or a matter of embarrassment. Yes, it is stupid, but many older people see infirmity as some sort of personal failure - as if you pissed off God or something, rather than as a natural and expected thing. And in previous generations, this was literally true - religions often taught or insinuated that if you became sick or infirm, well that was on you. Musta done sumptin' to piss off the Almighty!
My parents always talked about cancer and people who had it in hushed tones. When they grew up, the "Big C" as Dad would call it, was this mysterious thing that wasted people away at any age. And for their generation, if someone got cancer, well, you wrote them off and never talked to them again, perhaps out of fear or shame. After all, if you go visit them, you might get cancer, too! So maybe, in their generation, you got sick, you stopped seeing people because of shame - or fear.
I suppose it is a matter of pride and dignity, that causes people to withdraw towards the end. When you are terminally ill, you are in a lot of discomfort and distress. You may be bedridden and unable to even get up to go to the bathroom. It gets awkward and messy - and who wants to see visitors at a time like that?
Of course, dementia factors in as well. We have known a number of people who have succumbed to Alzheimer's disease and they tend to withdraw from society and isolate themselves. They get confused and forget things, and are embarrassed because of it. It is just easier to be alone, but that probably makes things worse and causes depression as well.
Regardless of the illness or cause, the pattern is the same. You see less and less of someone, until you don't see them at all, and then a month later, you hear that they went into assisted living or hospice - or are dead. And then you realize you haven't seen that person in over a year - what happened?
Like I said, it is a pattern. And one I hope to break. Because if you retreat inwardly into yourself, depression is sure to follow. And death and dying and illness are a part of life. We live in a death-denying culture, and this retreat from society, when dying, is part and parcel of it. Few people are familiar with the end-game of life as a result - and as a result, they kid themselves that "but for" some intervening cause, they would live forever.
And yes, they secretly still believe that people who are ill somehow had it coming to them. "Yes, she is sick and dying and all, but she smoked cigarettes!" That harlot - she had it coming to her, eh?
I think also people freak out about death - we all do - so when someone is dying, we tend to withdraw from them, not wanting to confront the reality of their death - as well as our own mortality.
The Baby Boomers are shuffling off the mortal coil in record numbers. Young people today are frustrated that conservatives are trying to dominate politics. Be patient - that is about to change. We are already seeing a turnover here on our island, as 70-somethings die off and are replaced by 50-somethings. Of course, many of those are conservative, too. Maybe not much will ever change!
