Sunday, April 12, 2015

And Now, a Word From the Illuminati

And now, a word from your local member of the Illuminati.

Some of you have noted that I live on Jekyll Island, which was where the evil Federal Reserve was formed.  The purpose of the Federal Reserve is to steal money from people's paychecks and give it all in giant lump sums to people like me, in secret offshore accounts.  Pretty cush deal.  Don't ask me how it works - there are plenty of website out there that discuss this in a rational manner.

Yes, I confess it, I am a member of the inner circle.   You may recall I mentioned before that I was a registered defense contractor - just like Lockheed and Boeing - and also do work for companies that provide services for "the thee letter agencies".   And of course, living in Northern Virginia, I have numerous friends in the FBI, CIA, and whatnot.   I am one of those "Washington Insiders" - you have found me out.

And I am retired largely, at age 55, living off my wealth.  And right there that defines me as one of the top 3% of the population in the United States.   Gee, there are really a lot of you poor people out there, aren't there?

So, yes, you have "outed" me as one of the inner circle.  I confess.  It is all true, a small group of us runs the entire country, pulling the strings like puppeteers, and stealing every last nickel you have.  And it is jolly good fun, too.  And you can't stop us.

Now, I know what some of you are thinking.  "Gosh, that sounds like a good deal!  How do I get to join the Illuminati as well?   I'd like to be a landlord, instead of a tenant, have money instead of spending it, be rich instead of wanting crap all the time.   How do I get in the club?"

Well, this is breaking all the rules here, but since you are a loyal and faithful reader, I'll let you in on the secret.   But you have to agree not to tell anyone!  The penalties for speaking the truth make the initiation rites in Skull & Bones look like patty-cake.

To first understand how to get into the club, you have to understand how we keep you plebes outAnd this is the best part - the plebes don't have to be forced to hand over their money, they do it willingly.

You see, people do a lot of stupid things with their money.   They smoke cigarettes.  We own the companies that make cigarettes.   They buy monster trucks that get 10 miles per gallon.  We own the oil companies that sell them the gas.   They end up buying overpriced mini-mansions to impress their neighbors (who have identical mini-mansions).   We loan them the money to do this - and own the companies that sell the wood, concrete, appliances, and whatnot.

In other words, no matter what these plebes do, we make a profit.   And what we profit most off of, is their desire to have status and their desire to have-it-all-now and pay later.  They are classic schmucks.

Chasing status and chasing bling is one sure way to end up poor - or middle-class poor - the rest of your life.  Why is this?  Well, our system is designed to make you want to crave upscale goods and accessories that you will never own.

You can't afford a Ferrari, but we can sell you a Mustang.   You can't afford a Rolls Royce, but we will sell you a Caprice Classic with a vinyl roof and opera lights.   You can't afford a mansion, but we will sell you a mini-mansion.  You can't afford to be a gourmet, but you can afford a gourmet coffee drink every day.

Or so you think.   Actually, what you are doing is giving up on actually being rich and settling for crappy pretend-rich substitutes.

In other words, the marketing overlords who run your lives know you crave status, and we market to you accordingly - selling you the same crappy junk you would have bought anyway, but making you pay a little extra to bling it up with vinyl roofs and gee-gaw accessories like chrome wheels.

Pretty slick system, no?  And we've been using it for centuries.  You may recall how we snookered the Indians out of the island of Manhattan, for a few dollars worth of shiny beads and trinkets.   Heck, they never saw a mirror before in their lives.  They thought it was magic!   The same way people today feel about their smart phones.   They just can't stop staring at them.

So that is how we keep the poor downtrodden and, well, poor.  And you know this as you've driven through "the bad part of town" and seen our check-cashing stores (run though an offshore front corporation of course!) and our payday loan shops and our rent-to-own furniture and bling-rim stores.   And you've wondered why poor people would snap up such shoddy deals, right?

But the joke is, that you, Mr.-and-Mrs. Middle-Class, are exploited in the same way.  We just sell you nicer overpriced shit.  You are the buyers of the mini-mansions and "luxury" cars that are just re-skinned econoboxes.   You buy the de-luxe cell phone plans and have "all the channels" on cable.  You go after "bundling" and "discounts" and your wife shops when the store has a "sale".   You've swallowed the bait, hook, line and sinker.

Oh, and you're the ones we've enslaved with credit card debt.  You got that "rewards" card we dangled out in front of you - and you bought into the idea that it was an indicia of your success!  Of course, you ran it up to the limit - and we kept raising the limit.  And just when it seemed like you could never pay it off, we helpfully offered to refinance your mini-mansion to pay off the debt.   Oh, we win twice here, don't we?   Got you to pay all that interest and then sucked what little equity you had out of your house.  Sweet deal, too, as if it all goes horribly wrong, the government bails us out.  And by "us" I don't mean you.

And when you try to get ahead, well, we've got you there, too.  You decide to invest.  OK.  We've got all the media tied up with bad investment advice.  You listen to the shouting guy, right?  And the dudes in the clown suits, of course.   Oh, I bet you bought a lot of gold a few years back, and some of that tasty IPO stock.  The investment fraud thing is beautiful.  We can sell you completely fraudulent investment vehicles, so long as we label them as "junk" in the prospectus.  But hey, who reads the prospectus?  Certainly not the shouting guy!

Now you're going to love this next part, as it is so precious.  How do we get away with all this shit?  I mean, in a Democracy, people would run you out of town, right? That is the beauty of it. We convinced you to vote for candidates based on things like "social issues," "moral values," "character," and "who you'd like to have a beer with."   Let's face it, when it comes to elections, you folks are morons who can be lead around by the nose.  And it doesn't matter whether you vote Democratic or Republican, we've got all the bases covered, for the most part.

We don't have to go around assassinating people to get the government to do what we want.  That is so messy and retrograde.  It is just a lot easier to pay people - even when they don't know who is paying them.  But conspiracy theories, well, we let those fester, as it is another way we entrap you into a feeling of helplessness and passivity.

In other words, we come at you from all the angles.

Pretty sweet system, eh?

So, you still want to know how to join the club?  Well, encoded in the message above is the answer.   Of course, you will need to use your secret Illuminati decoder ring to figure it out.

But once you have decoded the message, you have the secret insider's key into accumulating wealth.  And if you follow this secret message, eventually you will end up owning money like the real Illuminati, instead of owing money like the schmucks and the plebes.

The message is there for anyone to read.   Few choose to do so.