Rizzo: (looking nervous) "It ain't me that's the problem boss! It's these damn lottery tickets! No one wants to play the numbers anymore, now that you can go down to the 7-11 and play about a dozen different games! And we've lost most of our gambling income to off-track betting and online casinos and sports betting! And if that wasn't bad enough, there are now casinos on every corner! They've honed in on our territory!"
Godfather: "I don't like to hear no excuses! You've got to get that revenue up! What about you, Anthony, how's the drug business going? You haven't brought me a 'taste' of that in months! Are youse stealin' from me?"
Anthony: (starting to sweat) "No boss! I ain't been stealing! Our drug business is destroyed! They legalized pot and everyone is just buying it at government sponsored stores! How can I sell drugs, when they are legal and cheap?
Godfather: (fuming) "Well, what about our loan-sharking business, Knuckles?"
Knuckles: "Same deal, boss! They have these payday loan places and title pawn loan places, all over town! Theys got the balls to charge even more interest that we dit, and its all up and legal, too! I ain't busted anyone's kneecap in months!"
Godfather: (building into a rage) "Surely we have something left! Prostitution? Blackmail? What about it, Rocky?
Rocky: "Bad news boss. These folks today are hooking up with 'apps' on their smart phones or finding escort services online. Worse yet, when we take compromising photos of someone, instead of paying blackmail money to us, they ask for enlargements so they can post them on their Facebook page! Peoples have no shame no more, boss! We can't blackmail people who have no shame!"
Godfather: (steaming) "Well, what about our protection rackets? I haven't heard of you doing any bust-outs lately, Stevie, what's up with that?
Stevie: "Haven't had a bust-out in years, boss! These new investment companies have taken away all our business! This fella with Bain Capital is snapping up all these companies and then busting them out before we can get our hand in! And worst of all, it's all perfectly legal!"
Godfather: "Well what about the Unions? Ralphie, youse 'sposed to be running the union racket! But I gets no money from you at all!"
Ralphie: "Sorry Boss! The unions are almost dead! The gubment took over the Teamsters and tossed us out! Then the governor signed a "right to work" law, and most of the union companies have closed shop, moved down South, and opened non-union factories! I can't hold companies hostage with threats of strikes, if there ain't no union companies left!
Godfather: (Bursting with anger) "I've had it with these lame excuses! I can see what our real problem is now! It's da gov-ment! Theys honing in on our territory! We need to shrink the size of the government and pronto!
Rizzo: (gasping) "You mean.....?"
Godfather: "Yea, that's it! It's time to vote Republican and bring back the good old days!"