Monday, November 14, 2016

Trump Picks Homeless Man as Chief Strategist

Trump gives unemployed homeless man a second chance in life - as chief strategist in the White House!

Washington DC - In a rare show of compassion for those less fortunate than himself, today Donald Trump announced he would make good on his pledge to "find jobs for the unemployed" by offering a homeless man a job with his administration.

"I met the guy after I left my meeting with Obama at the White House," Trump said,  "He was living in a cardboard box across the street in Lafayette Square and asked me for a dollar.   He looked pretty grungy and smelled even worse.  His hair was unkept and he apparently hadn't shaved in days, and even then with a rusty razor.   The Wal-Mart glasses, two sizes too small, really made me feel sorry for the guy!"

"Melania suggested I give him a job, rather than a handout," Trump continued, "and then I realized I had this 'chief strategist' office to fill.   Since I do all my own strategy, it really was a make-work position, and really anyone could fill it, so why not offer it to this unkempt homeless guy?"

The new Chief Strategist for the Trump administration is a Mr. Steven Bannon of no fixed address.   When contacted in his cardboard box in Lafayette square, Mr. Bannon said he was pleased that Trump has fulfilled at least one of his campaign promises and added, "are you going to eat the rest of that hot dog?"

Bannon said he looked forward to living in the White House, perhaps in the furnace room where it was warm.  Trump offered to set up a pallet in the basement for him to sleep on, and provide him with a 5-gallon bucket for his personal needs, as well as old printed copies of Breitbart to use as toilet paper.

"We might have to clean him up a bit to make him presentable," Trump added, "He clearly needs a haircut and a shave.   We can't have government officials looking like bums that just came in off the street!"

Bannon replied, "Why not?  It works for me and helps with my panhandling routine".   Bannon added that he planned on keeping his cardboard box in Lafayette square "just in case - you have to leave your options open, you know.  No sense burning bridges!"

UPDATE:  It seems my sarcasm was a little too close to reality.  Mr. Bannon was of "no fixed address" for several years while creating his "new conservative movement".

And a homeless man shall lead them...